The Decision

Deciding to serve a full time mission was not an easy decision for me. It took almost a year for me to decide.  I started thinking about it last fall and kept thinking and thinking and would get so terrified by the idea that I would push it away again. Leave my family for almost two years? How could I really just say goodbye and leave? And then just approach strangers and strike up a conversation with them? I didn’t think I could do it. But I continued to pray about it and I started searching the scriptures for an answer. Eventually I decided that I wasn’t going to allow fear to be a deciding factor. I was going to go or not go depending on answers I received. I would focus on my faith not my fear. 

I felt several small confirmations over the course of several months that the answer was yes. I should go. I put my papers in, which was a battle all its own, and suddenly my call was in the mail. At this point, the devil decided to attack me in full force. I was up at Oakcrest working as a counselor, and all of a sudden I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Fear filled me and every moment I was in a panic. I prayed and prayed, pleading for relief, for a confirmation that I really was suppose to go. The week continued. Wednesday came around and it was my day to hike with my girls. At the top of the hike each week the counselors teach the message of the Restoration to the girls and then let them go out across the mountain to pray and study their scriptures. I was teaching with two other counselors (Squirt and Cricket) and we had just read Joseph Smith History 1:17 which relates what happened to Joseph Smith when he prayed to know which church was true: Joseph said  

“...  I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. ... When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!”

It occurred to me after we read this that the Father had come down having a full knowledge of whom Joseph was, and what he needed. He did not have to ask Joseph what his name was. He did not have to ask him what he wanted. He was already aware. Then, He immediately presented to Joseph the answer to all of his problems. Jesus Christ. The King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Redeemer, the Messiah, the Savior of the world.  He is the answer. Peace filled my heart, I received my call, and here I am 10 days away from entering the Mission field!